


I don't deserve to be loved

by NotfunnyDean (IronEyes)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adorable Dean, M/M, and damn witches, and talking about feelings, but he kinda has to, dean hates it, sweet cas, truth spell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 10:43:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13269777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronEyes/pseuds/NotfunnyDean
Summary: Dean wants to save Cas and jumps right into the spell of a witch. It's just his luck, that it actually was a truth spell.





	I don't deserve to be loved

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! :D This is my first SPN fic, but i love this show (and Dean) ((and his Angel)) so much, that i couldn't resist. So i hope you enjoy it! x

Dean looks away. He knows that Cas is watching him now, so he tries to busy himself with his favorite gun. He engages the safety on his gun and then puts it away. When he looks up for a second, he see’s that Cas is still watching him. Shit.

"Well I think we should take a break. The hunt today was incredible hard, so we should head back to the motel and get some rest." Sam says, when nobody else talks and Dean nods at that.

They thought it would’ve been an easy hunt. Just a few witches (Dean hates witches, so so much), but when they finally arrived, they couldn’t find anything. Not a single hint for a witch or anything else supernatural. Dean had insisted to check out an old abandoned house anyway and there they found the witch. 

"You are right." Cas answers and before Sam or Dean (not that he wanted) can answer to that, Castiel is already out of the door and goes to the impala. Dean swallows loudly.

"You fucked that up." Sam says finally and Dean just nods. What can he say? 

He would do it again.

"Whatever." Dean says then and he shrugs. The witch knew they were coming and she didn't even wait for them to step through the door. Dean feels his fingers tremble, when he remembers how she looked at Cas. How she…pointed at him. Dean rubs over his chest, where her spell hit him.

"I'm just saying. Cas would've handled it. You know he is an Angel." Sam says, but he sounds relieved. Relieved, because Dean isn't hurt. When the spell hit him, Dean was so surprised to not feel any pain. His head was spinning, but the witch still grinned at him. Dean shudders.

"It's okay. Got it." Dean says and he frowns at himself. He knows that Cas can protect himself, but… he lost him so many times before and he just…he can't do that again. He wouldn't survive it.

"I mean Cas was it, who killed her." Sam grins then and Dean groans. Well maybe he was still surprised, that the witch didn't hurt him, that he couldn't concentrate on putting his knife through her guts.

"Are you done then?" Dean asks and he leaves the house, before Sam can tell him another thing that went wrong today. He can hear his brother chuckle, but Dean doesn't feel like laughing, when he sees how Cas looks. He already sits in the car and Dean slowly gets over to his baby. 

"So what do you say, we should stop for something to eat?" Sam asks, when Dean has his hand on the door handle of his baby. Dean wants to say, that he could eat something. He mostly wants to say that, so Sam stops worrying, but to be honest Dean's stomach is still trying to process what happened back in the abandoned house. 

"No thanks. I'm still way to overwhelmed, because Cas nearly got hurt."

Dean is not sure, who's eyes are bigger at his sentence. Sam's or his own. Why did he say that? He didn't even want to admit thoughts like that to himself, but somehow it slipped out. Dean glances down to the backseat, where Cas sits and he prays to Chuck, that Cas didn't hear him. But knowing his luck (and also Cas' abilities he knows), Cas heard it.

"Uhm okay." Sam says then and Dean shuts his mouth. He doesn't know why he said that. Why would he say things like that?! Sam just frowns a bit more at his brother, before he finally gets into the car. Dean exhales and then shakes his head. Weird day. He opens the drivers door and sits down behind the steering wheel. 

"Cas are you alright?" Sam asks, when they drive in silence for over ten minutes. Dean looks into the rear-view mirror and he sees, that Castiel is watching him. He looks back to the road and hopes, nobody would comment on his blushing cheeks. Damn his skin. 

"I am indeed. Thank you Sam. But I would've been better, if some people would finally trust me again." Cas says and Dean tries his best not to jerk at the harsh words. He closes his eyes for a second and then makes a quiet sound in the back of his throat. What could he say about that.

Sam squints at him from the passenger seat and Dean pretends really hard, that he doesn't notice that. Sam coughs slightly. Dean doesn't react and Sam coughs even louder. It's only when Sam grins, that Dean feels he made another mistake. 

"I'm pretty sure he trusts, you Cas. Am I right Dean?" Sam asks so hypocritical, that Dean wants to slap him. He is already thinking about a way, to tell Castiel that he trusts him, with his whole heart, but his mouth already started without his brain.

"Of course I do! I don't trust anyone, as much as I do trust Cas." Dean says loudly and he actually chokes on his own spit after that. Sam is still grinning, even though he should be angry at Dean. Because it should be Sam, who Dean trusts the most. Dean doesn't look at Cas. He is afraid what he will see in his eyes.

"Curse?" Sam asks and Dean nods shortly, before Castiel can say anything about Dean's confession a few seconds ago. Dean wants to scream. The damn witch cursed him with a fucking truth spell. That is just his life. 

"I knew something was wrong, when she hit me with the spell. So yeah she cursed me." Dean grunts and he is glad, when he finally pulls into the driveway from their motel. He really doesn't want to talk about this.

"Dean wait!" Castiel says, when Dean steps out of the car, but Dean almost runs towards the door of his room. He would never run away from Cas, he just walks very fast. Dean rolls his eyes at himself.

"Sorry Cas! I'm really tired." Dean says then and he smiles! He still can control his mouth, when nobody asks him a question. So the truth spell only works at questions. Dean shuts the door behind himself, but when he turns around Castiel already sits on his bed. 

Fuck this angel mojo crap.

"How bad is the curse?" Castiel asks and he sounds so worried, that Dean actually stops in his movement. 

"Really bad." Dean admits after a while and he shrugs. Castiel looks even worse now and he stands up and comes over to Dean, who still stands with his back against the door. Dean looks down and plays with his fingers. 

Castiel puts his hand on Dean's forehead and seems to search for something inside of Dean's mind. Dean shakes his head, but Castiel doesn't take his hand away. He lays it on Dean's cheek.

"Has she harmed you?" Castiel says quietly and Dean wants to nuzzle against his hand. Wants to take a step forward so bad and finally find himself in Castiel's arms. But in the end he doesn't. At least the curse, doesn't affect his actions, only his words.

"Yes, but not my body." Dean whispers back and Castiel nods. He looks all serious now and if the witch was still alive, Dean knows that Castiel would take care of her now. But since she is already burned, Castiel doesn't leave. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Castiel asks and Dean shakes his head. But again his mouth works against him.

"No, but can you just hold me?" 

Dean wants to scream. Why would he answer that, to such a harmless question? Dean closes his eyes and shakes his head again. Somebody up there really seems to hate him. 

"Of course, Dean!" Castiel says so understanding, that Dean can't deny himself the hug. So Dean finally makes the step forward and finds himself in Castiel's arms. Castiel's hands are on his back and Dean presses his face against Castiel's neck, so Castiel can't see his face.

"Are you sure, you trust me?" Castiel asks after a while and Dean can feel the blush on his cheeks. He is pretty sure Castiel can feel it too, but also doesn't really know what that means. The hug is already taken too long, but Dean doesn't want to step away again.

"With my life." Dean mumbles and Castiel tightens the hug a bit more.

"Then why would you step right in front of me, when the witch shot her spell at me?" Castiel asks and Dean gasps quietly. He prayed so hard, that this question wouldn't come. That Castiel would just leave after the hug and by tomorrow everything would be normal again. But of course he doesn't get what he wants. He never does.

"I wanted to save you." Dean says quietly and Castiel slowly breaks the hug. Dean tries not to sigh at that and lets it happen. Castiel looks still a bit worried, but also very serious. Dean nearly squirms under this gaze.

"Oh Dean. You don't have to save me, you know that right?" Castiel asks and somehow this question is even worse. Dean looks down at his shoes and shrugs. He can feel how his eyes start to water and he tries to hold back the tears.

"I know that! B-but what if she takes you again from me? W-what if you die again? I can't let that happen, Cas!" Dean says and he stutters around his own words. But the truth spell makes him say it anyway. Dean sniffles quietly. He hates to cry. He rarely does it, because he is not a goddamn child. But Castiel died before and it destroyed Dean in a way, that can't be fixed.

"I won't die, Dean. She was just a young witch. I'm very certain even your spell will only last 24 hours." Castiel says and Dean nods at that, but he still can't look up into those blue eyes. Maybe he would admit even more things.

"That would be wonderful." Dean says and he smiles through his tears. Castiel puts a hand on Dean's shoulder and only at that, Dean looks finally upon again. He doesn't know what Castiel's expression means, but it's very soft.

"You really don't like to talk about feelings." Castiel says and he smiles just a tiny bit. Dean smiles back and wipes at his eyes. Not a single tear fell down, but he is sure Castiel sees the tears anyway. Dean just hopes he won't say anything about that.

"Hate it." Dean mumbles and Castiel is now full on laughing. Dean chuckles a bit, too.

"Why do you hate it?" Castiel asks and he is still so close. Normally Dean would tell him about his personal space, but right now he just enjoys it. He even wants to be closer. 

"Feelings are always bad. Everyone I l-like gets hurt." Dean says quietly. His thoughts are now with his parents, but also with Sammy. Even his brother died before and Dean couldn't do anything about it. 

"Feelings aren't bad, Dean. Even if Sam and I get hurt again, that won't be your fault, for having feelings for us." Castiel says and Dean nearly chokes on his own spit. Feelings. Castiel can't know about that, can he?

"You can't get hurt." Dean just says again and Castiel lays his head to one side. He looks as if he knows, what Dean wants to say with that. Dean feels himself blushing again and Castiel slowly goes back to the bed. Dean follows him and sits down beside him. 

"Then I won't." Castiel just says and he smiles so sweetly, that Dean feel weak in his knees. He is so glad, that he is now sitting down. Castiel holds a hand out and Dean takes it slowly. He doesn't know what is happening here, but Castiel is still smiling so wide.

"What is going on?" Dean asks then and Castiel strokes with his thumb over Dean's back of the hand.

"Just tell me, why you don't let yourself be loved. The way you love people. I would safe your life 

"I love you." Castiel says promptly and Dean swallows once. Then again. And frowns. Swallows dryly again and then coughs. 

"What?" He whispers and Castiel leans closer. He carefully kisses Dean's left cheek. And Dean can feel himself leaning closer to the careful touch. What is happening? Did the witch kill him in the end?

"You heard me, Dean. I mean it, with all of my heart. Is that okay?" Castiel asks then and he strokes over Dean's cheek one last time. Dean's eyes flutter shut and he enjoys that feeling for a tiny second. Then he opens his eyes again and shakes his head.

"No. I… C-cas.. I… I don't deserve to be loved." Dean says in the end and it's the truth spell, that answers for him. Castiel's eyes lose some of there deep blue and Dean can see, how the angel tries to remain control of his feelings.

"That is not true, Dean." Castiel says loudly and clear. Dean shakes his head, as hard as he can manage.

"It is! The witch. It cursed me. It's a truth spell. So I said the truth. I don't deserve to be loved, Castiel. I don't deserve any love… Cas…" Dean can't hold his tears back anymore. He looks down again, so Castiel doesn't have to see that. Now that is what he deserves. The spell and the tears.

"Dean Winchester. The spell only triggers, what you think is the truth. Of course you deserve to be loved, Dean. You deserve it so much. And I love you just as much." Castiel says and Dean sniffles loudly at that. This can't be true. 

"N-no." Dean says between his tears, but Castiel shushes him and sits even closer. Dean leans into his touch and then cries into Castiel's shoulder.

"It's true Dean. So tell me, do you love me too?" Castiel asks and Dean looks up at that. He knows what he will say and he knows he would also tell Castiel now, even if he didn't was hit by the spell. Castiel deserves to know.

"I love you, Castiel." Dean answers and he really wants to say more but Castiel won't let him. 

Because Castiel is kissing him. Dean is so surprised, that he still babbles against Castiel's lips. When he is finally done with that, he kisses Castiel back, closes his eyes and just feels. Castiel groans a bit and Dean opens his mouth. That feels so good. 

"I love you Dean. And for everyday you hate yourself, I will love you for the both of us. I will show you what it means to be loved. I will make you feel, like you deserve to be loved. Because you do, Dean." Castiel says after he breaks the kiss. He is still so close and Dean just nods.

"S-stop that." Dean whispers and he still cries a bit and he is blushing. He knows how ugly he blushes, but Castiel still looks at him, as if he were the angel, so Dean smiles shyly back at him.

"Never." Castiel says and he even winks at Dean.

Dean hates witches. And truth spells. And talking about feelings. And crying. But… somehow Castiel makes it okay. 

No, Castiel makes it okay.

Castiel makes him feel okay. And maybe some day he would make Dean feel loved, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](https://notfunnydean.tumblr.com)


End file.
